100 Years

It's the title of a song.

Whenever I would hear this song, I would fondly think of all that life had in store for Ben and me.

• Having babies...
• Watching these beautiful girls grow up...
• Ben taking the girls hiking, camping, fly fishing, etc... (And all while Jocee screams her head off! A tomboy, she in not!)
• Celebrating their every milestone together...
• Buying our first home..
• Buying and/or building our dream home...
• Traveling when we would eventually get the time, money, & pilot benefits...
• Sleeping in when all of our kids went off to college...
• Becoming grandparents...

(Not to mention all the little plans we had for the coming days, weeks, & months.)

These plans are now interrupted. To say they are completely ruined, for me would imply a sense of hopelessness.

I've always been the kind of person who likes to live in the future. I like to plan. I like to have goals to strive for and anticipate. The "5-year-plan" is something I'm all too familiar with. Although none of these "plans" have ever entirely come to fruition, I would continue to make them anyway. Having some direction is better than none at all.

For the first time in my life, I am not making any real plans. I am really only able to live in the present. Right here and right now is all that I can control. It is all that really matters.

I will not think of how I will get through this next week, month, year, or five years.
Right now is all that matters.
Right now, I will get a glass of water.

One Year Ago Today...

Ben writes letters to the girls from time to time in journals that he bought, when each of them were first born. I always love reading what he puts in those little blank books.

He wrote the following to Sophie, on the day we brought her home.
(One year ago, today...)

11/8/2008

My Dearest Sophie,

We brought you home from the hospital today. You are perfect, and your mother and I are overjoyed to have you. You were born 3 days ago by c-section at Orem Community Hospital. 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 19 inches long. While you look very much like your sister did at birth, your mom and I immediately noticed that your voice, your cry is different. Through the whole pregnancy things have been different. From the foods your mom craved, to the way you moved. Your sister was, and is as of this writing, a kicker. You have been very calm and since your birth, very mellow. I was there at your birth, took you while the doctor stitched up your mom. I was with you the whole time. When your eyes opened, I was the first face you saw. Mine was the first finger you held. I am so happy to have you. I loved you before you were born, and that has only grown stronger these last 3 days. I am excited to be your father.

Love,
Your Dad

(Ben's signature)

Dear Sophia Leigh...

Dear Sophie,

Today you turn one year old! One year ago today, we welcomed you into our family. Instantly we knew that you were perfect, beautiful, and nothing short of amazing.

With time we have been able to become acquainted with your sweet little spirit.

• You are sweet to the core!
• You are kind.
• You are affectionate.--You love to give hugs, and have earned the nick-name, Buggy. Our little "cuddle bug."
• You have developed your adorable sense of humor!
• You have the best little laugh, and love to be tickled.
  
• You are assertive. You don't let your big sister push you around.
  
• You are without a doubt, a talker! I am amazed by how many words you have already.
• You have your daddy's calm temperament.
  

You love your sister, and like nothing more than to play with her. It has always been our hope that the two of you grow up to be best friends.


Your daddy loves, and will always love you; more than I could ever relate. He has adored you from the moment he was told of your existence. Daddy spent every moment he could with you. If you had a hard time sleeping, he would get up with you at night or early mornings. He would play with you. He would talk to you. He loved to comfort you and sooth your cries. He would cuddle with you whenever you would let him.

Daddy wants the absolute best for you. He would give you the world if he could. He wants you to be happy, healthy, and safe. Most of all, Daddy wants you to always know how precious you are to him. Daddy will always watch over you with concern for your well being. You are so very blessed to have him as your father.

(Sunday morning, 18 Oct 2009)

Love,
Mommy

My Life's Love

I genuinely enjoy writing.
Although, I leave plenty of room for improvement.
I wish that I could put my emotions into words more adequately.

I like to blog...
But I never thought I would be grateful for our blog.
Most things on the internet can turn into a waste of time.
Priceless, finite time...

I am grateful that I took some of that limited resource to write and post the following 2 entries.

5 Years & 2 Kids Later...

30 Reasons Why I Love, Benjamin Hill

Oh, how I wish I could put my feelings into words.

Sweet Baby Girl

Sophia Leigh will be one year old in exactly one week.

I am flooded with emotions by this realization. For weeks I have found myself musing over this last year (and preceding pregnancy), and feeling abundantly blessed for every moment.

When I was pregnant with her, I wondered if I could love another child as much as I love her sister. I loved and adored her from the second I found out that she was on her way. But would it be equal? Could I make them both know how precious they are to me? These were just some of the questions that would cross my mind periodically.

Then Sophie was born, and I found that my heart had been waiting for her all along. Just like before, my heart and whole being expanded...almost exploding in complete awe of her.

As her mother, I am filled with gratitude. She is more than I could have ever hoped for. Getting to know her sweet spirit is a gift.

Although part of me is sad that she is growing up so quickly, I am overjoyed and looking forward to each new phase of her life. She continues to amaze me everyday!

FYI

Sometimes when I get busy, I'll write a post and schedule it to be published at a later date.

Silly, but I usually try for once a week.

About 2 weeks ago, I wrote 2 posts and predated them.
I don't have the heart to take them down.
The first will post tonight.

The one that I scheduled for Nov 8th, now means so much.
And, you'll soon see why.



I love and miss Ben in a way that mere mortal words fail to express. The concept of eternity is the only thing that brings me peace. I'm just so sad that our time was so short. The three of us are so blessed to have him as ours.

Pretty Toes

Jocee loves when our toes match!
She picked the color & even "helped" paint it on.

Thanks Laura, for starting her young.
(Tonight before bed, she asked for "blue toes." I blame you.)